


Hoodie

by TellMyLegacy



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alex wears John's clothes, And loves one of his hoodies, Fluffy, I always make these two suffer, M/M, Sad, The Author Regrets Nothing, except I do
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-31
Updated: 2016-12-31
Packaged: 2018-09-13 19:11:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9137548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TellMyLegacy/pseuds/TellMyLegacy
Summary: Every time John saw his boyfriend wearing the hoodie, his smile would widen, and his eyes will brighten ever so slightly as he gathered the man in his arms, both of them completely and utterly in love. John would place his hands under the hoodie, traveling along Alexander's skin until he reached the center of his chest, where his heart beat. Alexander would instead place his head on John's chest, listening to the rapid drums of his heart, the heart that belonged to him. The scene will just be so irrevocably beautiful that even the angels above shielded their gazes at the pureness.





	

Alexander loved wearing John's clothes, especially his hoodies. They reminded him of his boyfriend's unique smell- that of sweet apples and slight cinnamon.

He loved sneaking into John's closet, and grabbing the first sweatshirt he saw, and simply letting the warmth embrace him. His favorite, however, was a hoodie that had one of their favorite quotes on the front. "What's meant to be will always find a way." By now, the lettering is nearly faded from the constant use, but Alexander still finds a certain kind of comfort that only this hoodie, and John himself, can bring him.

Every time John saw his boyfriend wearing the hoodie, his smile would widen, and his eyes will brighten ever so slightly as he gathered the man in his arms, both of them completely and utterly in love. John would place his hands under the hoodie, traveling along Alexander's skin until he reached the center of his chest, where his heart beat. Alexander would instead place his head on John's chest, listening to the rapid drums of his heart, the heart that belonged to him. The scene will just be so irrevocably beautiful that even the angels above shielded their gazes at the pureness.

That was Alexander's favorite hoodie of John's, but what he did not know was that it was also John's favorite. But John loved the hoodie because of his boyfriend, and the way that the cloth seemed to brighten his features, the color contrasting with his eyes. He especially loved the nights where they would just lay together, entangled, and simply enjoying each other's presence. John would caress the insides of the hoodie with gentle fingers, tenderly placing his hand on Alexander's chest, right above his heart. And Alexander would place his head on John's, listening to the soothing drums of the man he loved. And Alexander would sometimes ask, "can we stay here forever?"

And though it was technically impossible, he understood what Alexander meant- will they stay together, until the very end?

"I promise." He whispered back, sorely for Alexander's ears, and the smile he would receive was the single greatest gift he has ever gotten. And they would remain in that moment for as long as possible, drunk in each other, surrounded by each other; their ultimate heaven.

Alexander was wearing the hoodie when he received the call.

 _Car accident_ , the nurse said over the phone. He had shakily driven to the hospital, almost getting into many accidents himself, but arriving in one piece at the building. He had rushed to the E.R., sobbing in the front desk John's name as the nurses tried to calm him. _Severe damage_ , they told him. He grasped the cloth of the hoodie. They didn't let him enter the room, but they let him stand outside as they did countless of things to make him live. A nurse exited the room, and Alexander quickly stopped the door from closing, standing in between the door frame as he watched in horror when the monitor began a constant beep.

His heart dropped in his chest as the doctor began shouting orders, the nurses all over the room. They placed two cold bars on John's bleeding chest, and he fell to his knees when the monitor did not change. He began an endless whisper of prayer to a God that he had never believed in before, begging Him to save the man he loved. When his prayers were met with indifference, and the doctors shook their heads amongst themselves, Alexander ran to John's side. The doctors only watched with heavy eyes as Alexander screamed rawly, grasping at John's cold fingers, "You can't leave me! You can't! Please John, please. I love you! Please."

The doctor began to pull him away, trying to steer him outside the room, muttering his condolences. But Alexander could only see John, and his whole body shook as he wept silently. His voice broke, "you promised."

 

Since that day, he never wore the hoodie again. He didn't throw it away, he wasn't brave enough to let go. But he didn't wear it, didn't try to gain the comfort from the softness or warmth, didn't try to remember the beautiful memories of his John. But it remained in his closet, always there. And each day, Alexander would simply glance at it, and sometimes he would he would be overcome by emotions that tears would escape his eyes, but other times, a soft, broken smile would appear like a single streak of sunlight.

Alexander never fell in love again. He never found the same fire he had found with John, never felt the same ichor in his veins as when John was by his side. He never loved again.

And it wasn't until 6 years later, at their 10th year anniversary, that he finally wore the hoodie again.

He had tears streaming down his face as he brought the hoodie down onto his body. However, he smiled when the warmth he had forgotten about embraced him once again, and if he closed his eyes hard enough, he could almost feel John next to him. If he tried hard enough to ignore the fine dust in the cloth, he could smell the faint aroma of apple and cinnamon. The whole day, he wore the hoodie, grasping the cloth like he used to grasp John's hand. And from that day forward, he wasn't afraid anymore to wear the hoodie. He would randomly pull it against his body, inhaling the scent, or other times, he would seek comfort in the torn sleeves or faded designs of the cloth.

Alexander was wearing the hoodie when he died, 15 years later. It had been a peaceful Sunday morning when felt an immense pressure in his chest. The floor swayed underneath his feet, and the bed creaked loudly as he suddenly collapsed unto it. His fingers clawed at his chest, pulling and loosening even more the old hoodie. He felt a warmth spread across his fingertips, and suddenly, he saw a pair of eyes ahead, along with a smile that Alexander had never forgotten.

He grasped the old hoodie in his fingers, heaving one last breath as he felt a hand in his, one last word running through his mind. _John_.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
